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Willy Wonka
Welcome to the Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory: The Fantasy Crossover Edition Wiki Willy Wonka & The Chocolate Factory: The Fantasy Crossover Edition Wiki is a crossover wiki pad of the 1971 movie based on the book by Roald Dahl. Starring Rudy Tabootie as Charlie Bucket, Gene Wilder as Willy Wonka and many others. Notes * Rudy Tabootie and certain other characters will be portayed as the kids and adults while Willy Wonka and certain other characters will remain in their original roles. * Lisa, when playing Veruca, will speak with an English accent. Quote 1 * (Wiki begins with Timmy and Bubbles, Edd and Jackie, & Lisa and Colin arriving in a movie theater with huge boxes of popcorn and candy on a triple date) * Timmy: Lucky us! (in unison, as he continued speaking, they all took their seats) Because we're celebrities, NASCAR drivers and VIPs, we get this whole movie theater to ourselves! * Bubbles: Ooh! Ooh! A preview! * (On the silver screen, it shows a preview for "NASCAR 2000 Fantasy Edition) * Timmy: I'm pumped for this! * Bubbles: I LOVE movies! I'm so excited to see ME, MEEE, on the big screen! * Lisa: Least you got a good part. I had to play a spoiled brat, which isn't really my cup of joe. * Colin: I think you really suited the part, Lass. It doesn't even make me think any different of ya. It's who you really are that matters not some fictitious character. * Lisa: Awww, thanks, Colin. But the only positive thing about being in that role for the movie is that I am able to work with one of my favorite English actors. (in reference to Roy Kinnear, who plays Mr. Salt) Roy treated me like royalty even not on camera. He knows that there's no spoiled brat in my real-life personality. * Colin: And I'm sure that he likes you for who you really are. * Bubbles: I just don't get why Princess Morbucks didn't want the role of Veruca at the auditions. * Lisa: Aw, you know, Princess. She believes she's no Veruca Salt and has better standards than her, when it's the complete opposite! (laughs) * Edd: Humorous indeed. And to think Mitch Mitchelson would have played the role of Mike Teavee, but had a fit when the directors instructed him to re-do his audition lines twice! * Lisa: And thanks to him, Bart got the role instead. Our parents even got in the movie too. * Bubbles: Buttercup had been chewing gum so much before she heard of the auditions, she went with some really big confidence in her and she was more than good enough to play Violet Beauregarde! How about that?! * Timmy: I just can't believe Rudy beat me in the auditions as the role of Charlie. It's like he was BORN to play Charlie! * Edd: Not only that, but to think Ed could act silly and still remain in the role of Augustus Gloop. If acting silly is what being a serious actor is in some cases, anyone could have a chance at the big shot. Not to forget that Ed had beaten Carl Wheezer for the role of the glutenous child in the auditions after the fact Carl couldn't fit in the pipes for the making of the film. Jackie and I think you were ALL great in your performances. * Jackie: It's true. Bubbles you ARE a true mother on-screen and off-screen. * Bubbles: Thanks, Jackie. Being a mother to Tommy and Tammy isn't always easy not to mention juggling motherhood and NASCAR driving. * Timmy: But thanks to Jack Fassler for seeing the qualifications in us and accepting us into NASCAR's Team Fastex.(referring to the Mr. Conductor and Timmy Turner's Thomas Tales with Friends episode, "Pedal to the Ed-al"), we wouldn't be the well-known stars of today! * Announcer (in the preview): NASCAR 2000 Fantasy Edition, beginning at DAYTONA International Speedway on February 19th, 2000! Get your tickets today to see the very first NASCAR Team Championship! * (We then open to the main movie, where the beginning intro is shown and the beginning credits) * (clock strikes hour) * (kids leave the school and run to Bill's Candy Shop) * Bill: Alright, alright, what's it gonna be? A triple Cream Cup for Johnny 2X4. A Squelchy Snorter for Carl Wheezer. A sizzler for Cindy Vortex. And listen, Wonka's got a new one today. * Kids: What is it? * Bill: This is called a Scrumdiddlyumptious Bar. * Spongebob: Hoppin' clams! Oh, how does that Willy Wonka do it?! * Bill: My dear Sponge, do you ask how a fish how it swims? * Spongebob: Nope. * Bill: Or a bird how it flies? * Spongebob: Naw. * Bill: No, siree you don't. They do it because they were BORN to do it. Just like Willy Wonka was born to be a candy man, and you look like you were born to be a Wonkarer. (sings "The Candy Man Can") Quote 2 * Rudy: Hi, Mr. Jopeck. * Mr. Jopeck: Ah, come along, Rudy. You're late. * Rudy: Mr. Jopeck, isn't it Pay day? * Mr. Jopeck: You're right. (hands Rudy a silver piece) There you are. * Rudy: Ah, thanks. * Mr. Jopeck: Say hello to your Grandpa Joe. * Rudy: You can bet on that! Quote 3 *Granny Neutron: Rudy's running late again. *Grandpa Joe: He works too hard for a little boy. He should have some time to play. *Bubbles: Poor sweetie. There just isn't enough time for him during the day. Since you became so bed-ridden, it's been difficult work keeping this family stable and healthy. *Granny Neutron: If only Rudy's father were still alive. *Grandpa Joe: As soon as I get my strength back, I'm going to get out of this bed and help him. *Bubbles: *giggles* Every time you say that, you never set so much as a tosie-wosie on the floor. *Grandpa Joe: Well...maybe if the floor wasn't so cold. *(Rudy arrives home) *Rudy: Everyone! I'm home! *Grandpa Joe: Wake up! *Granny Neutron (in unison): Wake up! *Grandpa Joe: Wake up! Rudy's home! *Rudy: Grandpa Abe. (kisses Abe Simpson's head) Grandma Agnes. (kisses Agnes Skinner's cheek) Granny Neutron. (kisses her cheek while Granny hugged him) And last, but not least...Grandpa Joe! (Grandpa Joe kisses Rudy's cheek) Is this your dinner tonight, Grandpa? *Grandpa Joe: Well, it's yours too, Rudy. *Rudy: I'm tired of all this cabbage water. It just isn't filling enough! *Agnes: You ungrateful brat! *Abe (in unison): Could you speak up?! *Grandpa Joe: What are you saying? *Rudy: (pulls a loaf of bread from his satchel) Let's split this. *Bubbles: Rudy! Where did you get that? *Grandpa Joe: What difference does it make WHERE he got it? Point is he got it. *Rudy: I bought it with the money from my first pay day today! *Bubbles: Oh, I'm so happy for you, little Rudy! This should make for a yummy banquet! *Rudy: Bubbles...(presents a silver piece) It's all I have left over. You should hold onto it. (gives her the silver piece, but has another) Except this piece. Grandpa, from this point on...I'll pay for your tobacco. *Grandpa Joe: No one's going to pay for it, Rudy. I'm giving it up. *Bubbles: Oh, Dad. Tobacco's bad for you, but you have trouble going a day without just one little pipe. *Grandpa Joe: When a loaf of bread looks like a banquet, I've no right buying tobacco. *Rudy: Please, Grandpa? You need this more than me. *(Grandpa Joe accepts the silver piece) *(Scene goes to later that night with Bubbles sleeping peacefully and cutely in her bed) *Rudy (voice only): And as soon as I finished my paper route, I went over to Wonka's. (Scene cuts outside of her room. As Rudy continued to speak, the camera pans over until we finally see Rudy talking to Grandpa Joe on the Grandparents' bed) This creepy, old man, something called a tinker, was suddenly right behind me, looking up at the factory. Right before he went, he told me, "No one ever goes in and no one ever comes out". *Grandpa Joe: And right he was, Rudy. Not since the tragic day that Willy Wonka locked it. *Rudy: Why? Why did Mr. Wonka lock his factory? *GRANDPA JOE: Because all the other chocolate makers in the world were sending in spies--dressed as workers!--to steal Mr. Wonka's secret recipes. Especially Melvick. . . oh, that Melvick, he was the worst! Finally Mr. Wonka shouted, "I shall be ruined! Close the factory!" And that's just what he did. He locked the gates and vanished completely. And then suddenly, about three years later, the most amazing thing happened. The factory started working again, full blast! And more delicious candies were coming out than ever before. But the gates stayed locked so that no one, not even Mr. Melvick, could steal them. *Rudy: But Grandpa, there's gotta be somebody helping Mr. Wonka in his factory. *Grandpa Joe: Thousands must be helping him. *Charlie: Thousands? But who? (scene cuts to Grandpa Joe; voice only) Who are they? *Grandpa Joe: THAT is the biggest mystery of them all. Quote 4 * German News Reporter: Proud ve are! For the attention of the entire world focuses right here today in Dusselheim! A community suddenly thrusts into prominence by the unexpected discovery of ze first...Vonka golden ticket. Its lucky finder is the son of our most prominent parve butcher. The boy's name...Ed Gloop! Ed Gloop! (scene shows Ed eating happily) The pride of Dusselheim! The fame of vestern Germany! And example for the whole vorld! * German News Reporter #2: Ed, how does it make you feel to be ze first golden ticket finder? * Ed:...I forget? * Reporter #2: Any other feelings? * Ed: Boy, that golden ticket could cost the wonky-man mountains of fudge! Big problem. *laughs goofy* * Reporter #1: Mr. Gloop, would you mind saying- * (Mr. Gloop bites off the mic top) * Reporter #2: Mrs. Gloop, would you care to say a few words to ze television audience? * Mrs. Gloop: I just knew young Ed would find ze golden ticket. Eating is his hobby you know... * (As Mrs. Gloop was speaking, a mysterious man, while pouring gravy onto Ed's plate, whispered something inaudible to him) Quote 5 *Grandparents and Bubbles: Happy Birthday, Rudy! Happy Birthday! *Bubbles: Here's your present, sweetie. *kisses Rudy's cheek* *Rudy: Thanks so much! (opens his present which was a scarf) A scarf! It's perfect. It'll keep me warm! *Bubbles: We all took turns knitting it. Grandma Agnes, Granny Neutron and ME! *Granny Neutron: I always knit my best after I've had my morphine. *Grandpa Joe: And here's a little gift from Grandpa Abe and me. (hands Rudy a small present) *Rudy: I bet I know what this is gonna be. (opens it) I knew it! A Wonka! *Grandpa Joe: Open it, Rudy. Let's see that golden ticket. *Rudy: That would definitely make my birthday! *Bubbles: Oh, you shouldn't get little Rudy's hopes up. *Grandpa Joe: Never mind. Go on, Rudy! Open it. I wanna see that gold! *Bubbles: Dad-! Please stop...! *Rudy: Hey, I have as fair a chance as anyone else. *Grandpa Joe: You've got more, Rudy. Because you want it more. Go on...! Open it! *Rudy: Here goes nothing. (turns away to open it) *ecstatic* I have it! it's right here! *Grandpa Joe: Where?! *Granny Neutron (in unison): Show us! *Abe (in unison): What the-?! *Agnes (in unison): Well-?! *Rudy: Had you going, didn't I? You all actually thought I had it. *Grandpa Joe: Never mind, Rudy. You'll find one. Quote 6 * Lisa (voice only): I can't believe someone found a golden ticket before ME! It should have been ME! * Mr. Salt (voice only): I know, angel. We're doing the best we can...! I've got every girl in the bleeding staff working for ya! * Lisa: Then where's my ticket?! Why don't I have my ticket?! * Mr. Salt: Lisa, sweetheart, I'm not a magician! Give me time! * Lisa: I want my ticket! I want it this instant! Why don't those slowpokes pick up the pace?!! * Mr. Salt: For five days now, the entire flippin' factory's been on the job! They haven't shelled a peanut in there since Monday! They've been shelling flamin' chocolate bars from dawn till dusk! * Lisa: So give 'em night shifts! * Mr. Salt (opens door to announce to his staff): Come along! Come along, you girls! Put a jack in it! Or you'll be out in your ears! Every one of ya! And listen to this! The 1st girl that finds a Golden Ticket gets a £1 bonus in her pay packet! What do you think of that?! * worker cheers and gets back to work faster * Lisa: They're not even trying. They don't want me to have it. They're jealous of me! * Mr. Salt: Sweetheart, I can't push them no harder. 19,000 bars an hour they're shelling. 760,000 they've done so far! * Lisa: You promised, Dad! You promised I'd have it the day I demanded it! * Mrs. Salt: You're going to be very unpopular around her, Henry, if you don't deliver soon. * Mr. Salt: It breaks my heart, Henrietta. I hate to see her unhappy. * Lisa: I'll never to speak to you again! And I won't go to school either until I have what I want. You sir...are a baboon! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon! Baboon! * Mr. Salt: Lisa, sweetheart, angel. Now, there are four tickets left in the world, and the whole ruddy world's hunting for them!! What can I do?! * Factory Girl (voice only): I've got it! (scene cuts to her in the factory) I've got it, Mr. Salt! Here it is! * (Lisa and Mr. Salt run to the window) * Lisa: Well, it's about time! Gimme! Gimme! Gimme! * (The same man from Dusselheim brings the factory girl to Lisa while all the staff was clapping and cheering) * Lisa: Gimme the ticket! Woo-hoo! I mean...splendid! The golden ticket! Yes! * (The man whispers something inaudible to Lisa) Quote 7 * Professor Frink: Greetings, fellow gentlemen! I'm sure you've all been up to your necks with the searches, and the purchasing, and the unwrapping of confectionery bars and the HOYVAN-GLAYVAN! Well, conserve your money and look no further. As I can safely say with no uncertainty that through the use of technology and with my latest invention...I will now decipher the location of the 3 golden tickets that remain undiscovered. * (presses buttons, the machine generates and gives a printed answer on paper) * Frink: the paper The machine says "I won't tell, that would be cheating." *nervous gulp* ...I will now tell the machine that if it reveals to me the location of the remaining golden tickets, I will humbly share with it the grand prize. Gu'hey! * (machine gives a response on paper) * Frink: Ah, it reads, "What would a computerized machine do with a lifetime supply of chocolate?" ...I will now tell the machine EXACTLY what it can do with a lifetime supply of chocolate! GA-HOYVAN! (in unison, he angrily hits the buttons) Quote 8 * Stanley Whitfield: And it's happened right here in the City of Townsville. Where it's anything but an average day. Because one of our local Powerpuff girls, Buttercup Utonium has just found Mr. Wonka's 3rd golden ticket. (in unison, the scene shows Buttercup chewing gum with confidence) And here to represent her... * Professor Utonium: Am I on TV? Oh, hiya, everyone! I'm Professor Utonium. And you know, I created my own Buttercup mixing sugar, spice and- * Buttercup: Can it, Professor! They're here for ME! * Stanley: Now, Buttercup, would you care to say a few words to the viewing world? * Buttercup: Yeah! Read it and weep, suckas! Golden ticket #3! And it's all mine! All mine! * Stanley: What's your story behind the discovery, Buttercup? * Buttercup: Well, I'm usually a gum-chewer, but when I heard the deets about these golden tickets, I put my gum aside and chomped on chocolate bars instead. But as you can see, I'm right back on gum, better than ever! I could chew gum all day! Except I have to keep it in a plastic bag around meals. * Ms. Keane (voice only): Buttercup-! * Buttercup: Ah, whatta ya complainin' about? And this baby here I've been chewing for 3 months straight! World record right here! I even beat my rival, Princess Morbucks. And, boy, did she lose it! (sticks her tongue out curled in reference to the PPG episode, "Nuthin' Special) * Utonium (pulling the mic away from Buttercup): If I could speak for a minute, I'd like to say that a great scientist like myself... * (as Professor Utonium continued speaking the same man from Dusselheim and England appeared and whispered something inaudible to Buttercup) Quote 9 *Bubbles: Rudy! Hi! What brings you here? *Rudy: I thought if you were finished and tired, I'd carry you home. *Bubbles: Oh, that's sweet of you, little Rudy. But the sad thing is, I'll be working for quite another while. *Rudy: Aw...Well, I guess I'll be on my way then. *Bubbles: Oh, please keep me company for a bit?! Here, relax on these nice soft clothes. *(Rudy does so) *Bubbles: Did school go nice for you today? *Rudy: Yeah. It did. *Bubbles: Goodie! Did your newspaper route go fine too? *Rudy: Just finished it actually. *Bubbles: Yay! *Rudy: I was meaning to tell you something... *Bubbles: What's that? *Rudy: The third ticket was found today. *Bubbles: It was? Really? *Rudy: Yeah. Well, think I'll be heading out. *Bubbles: Rudy, are you sure that's all? *Rudy: I thought you'd want to know. Lots of people would want an opportunity like this. I know I'm one of those people. There's only 2 tickets still out there. And it won't be long until there's just one left. *Bubbles: Makes me wonder who will be the lucky finders of them. *Rudy: Well, if you think I'm one of them, I WON'T BE! And if you're wondering, you can forget all about me! *Bubbles: Oh, Rudy...the world has only so many people populated. And only 5 of them will win golden tickets. Even if you were to rob a bank and use all its money, *giggles* Sorry. You still would never find one. After the whole contest ends, you won't be any different than others before the contest even started. *Rudy: But I AM different. I want to find a ticket more than anyone! *Bubbles: Oh, Rudy. You'll meet your chance to shine someday. And it just may turn things for you around. *Rudy: When will they turn around? *Bubbles: When you least expect it, I'm sure of. (hugs and kisses Rudy on the cheek) I'll see you in the morning, sweetie. *Rudy: Ok, bye. (exits through the door) *(Bubbles watches as Rudy walks away and began singing "Cheer Up, Rudy") Quote 10 * (TV shows Krusty the Clown laughing) * Kent Brockman: This just in! Only one golden ticket has yet to be found. That's because right here in Springfield, miles of citizens are gathering around this very living room! And this lucky winner of the fourth golden ticket has been found by none other than our local resident...Bart Simpson! Excuse me, son, would you mind turning the tv off for a minute? * Bart: No way! Are you nuts?! * Marge: Oh, he won't answer until that clown retires. * Kent: Bart, don't you wanna tell the whole world how you- * Bart: Would you shut up?! I'm in the middle of something! You know, I base my whole life on Krusty's teachings. * Marge: I serve him Krusty's brand TV dinners here in the living room. He's never come to the table once! * Arnie Pye: Is it true you enjoy watching TV, young Bart?! * Bart: As sure as school sucks! * Helen Lovejoy: Everyone wants to know about the golden ticket, Bart. How does it- * Bart: Shh! Quiet, dummy! They're about to show Itchy and Scratchy! * Arnie: You like the cartoons, Bart? * Bart: Straight up, dude. * (scene goes to Itchy being chased by Scratchy until Itchy screeched to a halt and shot a gun at Scratchy who exploded in a cloud of dust which shortly cleared showing bones and the skull of Scratchy falling to the floor; Itchy laughs) * Bart: (laughs) Oh, man! * Arnie: Bart, care to explain- * Bart: (pulls out a toy gun and pulls the trigger making snapping sounds) *groan* Can't wait to get a real one. * Marge: You will not be getting a real gun. (in her mind) Especially not after the last time a gun was brought into this house. to the Simpsons episode, The Cartridge Family * Homer: Yeah, if you want one, you'll have to pay for it out of your own allowance! * Bart: All right! * Marge: Homer-! * (Then the same man again began whispering something inaudible to Bart) Quote 11 * Bill: Why not try a a regular WONKA bar this time? * Rudy: Sounds good. *leaves the candy shop* (scene fades into the people chattering over the Golden Ticket fraud in the newspaper) * Rudy: *walks away from the scene and takes out his WONKA bar* One ticket...still around somewhere. Not here that's for sure. (as he was opening the WONKA bar) ...Huh? *reaches the Golden Ticket, and opens more of the WONKA Bar in excitement, then hoists it in the air, until a women grabs his hand* * Woman: Hey--! You've got it! You found the last Golden Ticket! This kid has found the last Golden Ticket! * Man: #2: It really is Golden! * Man: #1: C'mon, Rudy! Hold it while you can! Run for it, Rudy! Run straight home and don't stop till you get there! *Rudy runs for his life with the Golden Ticket, but then stops when Sam Melvick stops right in front of him, blocking him* * Rudy: *gasps in horror* * Sam: Congrats, kid. You just found the fifth golden ticket. Oh, you're probably wondering who I am? Name's Sam Melvick. Of Sam's candy bar. Owner of Sam's candy inc. Now listen hard and listen good, 'cuz I'm gonna make you rich, ye-yeah! Word is Wonka's working as we speak on a new invention...the Everlasting Gobstopper! If his latest invention's a hit, I'll go outta business! So, all I ask ya is find an everlasting gobstopper and bring it to me so I can find out the deal with the formula. You'll get a whole lotta this...(shows Rudy money that he flipped like a book in his hands) Give it some thought, alright? Your family will afford a new house, better food and comfortable beds and furniture for as long as they'll live. And remember the name...Everlasting Gobstopper, yeah! (exits scene) * Rudy: *runs again, and gets home in an exciting rate* (excitedly) Everyone! Everyone! Look! The fifth golden ticket! It's mine! * Grandpa Joe: You're pulling our legs, Rudy. There aren't anymore Golden Tickets. * Rudy: No, Grandpa! The other one was a phony! The papers said it! I found money in the street, I bought a WONKA Bar, and the ticket was in there! * Bubbles: *gasps* Really, little Rudy?! * Rudy: See for yourself, Grandpa! * Granny Neutron: Read it, Joe for dear life. * Grandpa Joe (reading): "Greetings to you, the lucky finder of this Golden Ticket from Mr. Willy Wonka. Present this ticket an the factory gates at 10:00 in the morning of the 1st day of October, and DO NOT BE LATE. You may bring one member of your own family but NO ONE ELSE. In your wildest dreams you could not imagine the marvelous surprises that await you"! Rudy you've done it! * Bubbles: Yay! I'm so proud of you! You ARE the luckiest boy in the entire world! * Rudy: Hey, Grandpa, it says I can take somebody with me. I wish you could tag along with me. Quote 12 * Bart: Mom! Hey, look! We're on TV! Hello, Springfield! Hey, Milhouse! Hi, Maggie! Hey, Smellson! (referring to Nelson Muntz) How do ya like me now?! * Mase Wolvermein: Are we live and ready? * Voice: Yeah, you're on. * Mase: Well, ladies and gentlemen, this is it! A big day is about to go down in history! That's right. The day Willy Wonka is said to come out and bring great wonders to the five lucky golden ticket winners! All over the world, people are gathering to see that mysterious man himself, Mr. Willy Wonka. The hour to strike is among us. * Professor Utonium: Hiya, folks. I'm Professor Utonium. If you want to know the story of the great scientist I came to be- * Buttercup: No one cares! And quit stealin' my spotlight! (to the camera crew) Yeah! Who do ya love? Hey, Princess, how about this for a stretch? (stretches her gum) * Lisa: I want to go in before anyone else does first! * Mr. Salt: Anything you say, sweetheart. * Ed: (eating buttered toast) * Mrs. Gloop: Save some room for later, Ed, sweet pea. (confiscates the buttered toast) * Ed: Awww, not fair. * Rudy: It's hard to believe, Grandpa, but we did it! We're here! We're going in soon! * Grandpa Joe: We're gonna see the greatest of them all, Mr. Willy Wonka! * (Town clock dings) * wait patiently until Willy Wonka comes in and makes an usual but stunning appearance at the gates *Mr. Wonka: Thank you. Thank you. Welcome, my friends. Welcome to my chocolate factory. Would you come forward please? * (The lucky winners walk down the isle through the crowds) *Mr. Wonka: Welcome. It's so nice to have you here. I am so glad you could come. This is going to be such an exciting day. I hope you'll enjoy it... I think you will. And now, will you please show me your Golden Tickets? *Lisa: I'm Lisa. Lisa Marie Simpson. *Mr. Wonka: My dear Lisa, what a pleasure. And how pretty you look in that lovely mink coat. *Lisa: I have 3 others back at home. *Mr. Wonka: And Mr. Salt, overjoyed to see you, Sir. Would you just step over there for a minute? *Ed: Hello! I AM Ed Gloop! *Mr. Wonka: Ed, my dear boy, how good to see you, and in such fine shape. *Ed: Does this mean I get to visit the planet of bacon-man and have the marrow sucked from my bones?! *Mr. Wonka: *chuckles* You're such a character, Ed. And this must the radiant Mrs. Gloop. Just over there. dear lady. *Buttercup: Yeah, what's up? Name's Buttercup Utonium. *Mr. Wonka: Darling powerpuff, welcome to Wonka's. *Buttercup: You got any tough gum for me to chew?! *Mr. Wonka: Charming... charming.... *Professor Utonium: And I'm her father, Professor Utonium. *Mr. Wonka: My dear, sir. What a genuine pleasure. *Professor: If you're ever looking for a new employee, I happen to be an expert scientist. Here's my card. (hands it to Mr. Wonka) *Bart Simpson: I'm Bart Simpson! (clicks toy gun) gun sound ! (in unison, Mr. Wonka exclaims "Ooh!" as he pretended he was struck by the gun) Gotcha good! *Mr. Wonka: Wonderful to meet you, Bart! And Marge Simpson, what an adorable little boy you have. *Marge: Thank you, Mr. Wonka. *Mr. Wonka: Just over there. *Rudy: Rudy Tabootie, Mr. Wonka. *Mr. Wonka: Well, well, well, Rudy Tabootie, I heard all about you in the papers. And who is this gentlemen? *Rudy: Oh! This is my Grandfather, Grandpa Joe. Quote 13 *Buttercup: When are we gonna eat the chocolates? *Professor Utonium: First remove your coat, Buttercup. *Bart: Those are some awkward-looking coat-hangers* *Lisa and Marge: *shriek as the coat-hangers grab hold of their coats* *Mr. Wonka: Little surprises around every corner, but nothing dangerous. Don't be alarmed. As soon as your outer-vestments are in hand, we'll begin. Now, will the children kindly step up here? *opens the certain, revealing the contract for the tour* *Mr. Salt (voice only / reading): "Fire, frost, or FRIPPERY"? *Bart (voice only): Accidents?! What's he talkin' about?! *Marge: I didn't know our dears have to sign a contract for this shindig. *Buttercup: I can't read the stupid bottom part. *Mr. Wonka: Buttercup, you first. Sign here. *Professor Utonium: Wait, Buttercup dear, don't sign anything yet. (to Mr. Wonka) What's all this? *Mr. Wonka: A standard form of contract. *Professor Utonium: Don't talk about contracts, I use them strictly for lowlifes. *Mr Wonka: Yes, but you wouldn't begrudge me a little protection, a drop. *Professor Utonium: I wouldn't sign anything unless my lawyer's present. *Mr. Salt: My Lisa, don't you sign anything neither! *Mr. Wonka: Then she don't go in. I'm sorry, rules of the house. *Lisa: (nastily to Mr. Salt): I want in, NOW! You're not holding me back from the candy and goodies! *Mr. Salt: I'm only trying to help you, sweetheart! *Lisa shoves him on the floor* *Lisa: *as she snatches the feather-pen from Mr. Wonka* Gimmie that! (to Mr. Salt, nastily) You're always making things uneasy! *Mr. Wonka: Nicely handled, Lisa. She's a girl who knows where she's going. (to Buttercup) Buttercup... *Professor Utonium: Just a moment! What's the small print at the bottom read? *Mr. Wonka: Oh, if you have any problems, dial information, thank you for calling. Bart, Ed. *(Bart and Ed step up to sign.) *Professor Utonium (in unison): Buttercup! Buttercup! *Marge: Should we presume there's a mishap double indemnity? *Mr. Wonka: Never between friends! *Bart: This thing happened in Itchy and Scratchy once. Scratchy signed a release form...then Itchy tore his heart out! (chuckles) *Mr. Wonka: Clever... *Ed (hands feather pen to Rudy): There ya go. *Rudy: And me? Grandpa? *Grandpa Joe: Sign away, Rudy. We got nothing to lose. *(Rudy steps up to sign) *Lisa (voice only): Can't we go in already?! PLEASE?! *Mr. Wonka: Patience! Patience, little dear. Everything has to be in order. Quote 14 * Rudy: Hey, the room's gettin' littler. * Marge: No, Rudy, he's getting LARGER. * Mr. Salt: He's at it again. * Bart: C'mon, Wonka! Quit hidin' the chocolate, man! * Professor Utonium: I really doubt there's any chocolate at this point. * Mr. Salt: I doubt it if any of us will get out of here alive! * Mr. Wonka: Oh, you should never, never doubt what no one is sure about. * Mrs. Gloop: You're not squeezing me through that tiny door. * Mr. Salt: You're off your bleeding nut, Wonka! No one can get through there! * Mr. Wonka: My dear friends, you are now about to enter the nerve-center to the entire Wonka Factory. Inside this room, all of my dreams become realites... and some of my realities become dreams, and almost everything you see is eatable--edible, I mean you can eat almost everything. * Ed: I, Ed want candy now! * MR. Wonka: Now don't get over-excited, don't lose your head, Ed. We wouldn't want anyone to lose that. *opens a piano-board on the door* ...Yet. And now, the combination. This is a musical lock. *plays the piano and unlocks the door* Ladies and gentlemen, *closes the piano-lock* boys and girls.... *opens the door* The chocolate room. Quote 15 * Mrs. Gloop: What a disgusting, dirty river. * Mr. Salt: It's industrial waste, huh? You've ruined your watershed, Wonka. It's polluted. * Mr. Wonka: It's chocolate. * Lisa: That's chocolate?! For real?! * Rudy: It looks delicious. * Buttercup: Oh, boy, that is cool! * Grandpa Joe (voice only): That's the most fantastic thing I've ever seen. * Mr. Wonka: Ten thousand gallons an hour. And look at my waterfall. That's the most important thing. It's mixing my chocolate. It's actually churning my chocolate. You know, no other factory in the world mixes its chocolate by waterfall. (to Mr. Salt) But it's the only way if you want it just right . . * Rudy: Look, Grandpa! Over there! Across the river! (scene shows small orange-faced men with green hair) only They're a bunch of little men! * Grandpa Joe (voice only): Jumpin' crocodiles, Rudy! * (Everyone else but Mr. Wonka and Ed in the scene chattering) * Grandpa Joe (softly to Rudy): Now we know who makes the chocolate! * Mr. Salt: I've never seen anybody with an orange face before. only Funny little people aren't they, Wonka? * (Scene shows the little men working) * Marge (voice only): What is it they're doing up there, Mr. Wonka? * Mr. Wonka (voice only): Must be creaming and sugaring time. * Buttercup (voice only): No way are those shrimps real people. * Mr. Wonka (voice only): Well, of course they're real people. * Mr. Salt: Stuff and nonsense. * Mr. Wonka: No. Oompa Loompas. * Group: Oompa-Loompas?! * Mr. Wonka: From Loompaland. * Marge: Loompaland?! There's no such place with such name! * Mr. Wonka: 'Scuse me, my dear lady... * Marge: Mr. Wonka, I happen to have gotten the highest grade in my High School geography class. * Mr. Wonka: Oh, well then you'll know all about it and what a terrible country it is. Quote 16 * Ed (voice only): Mmmmm...chocolate gravy! * (Scene shows Ed drinking from the chocolate river) * Rudy (voice only): Grandpa! Look at what Ed's doing! * Grandpa Joe (voice only): Don't worry. He can't drink it all. * Mrs. Gloop: Ed, sweetheart, save some room for later. * Mr. Wonka: Oh, uh, Ed, please don't do that. My chocolate must never be touched by human hands. Plea-don't do that! Don't do that; You're contaminating my entire river. Please, I beg you, Ed! * (Ed falls into the chocolate river; in unison, shouts "Up periscope!" while Mrs. Gloop and others scream) * Bart: We've got a man down! * Mr. Wonka: My chocolate! * Ed: Help me, guys! * Mr. Wonka: My chocolate! My beautiful chocolate! * Ed: *chuckles* King of the sea! * Mrs. Gloop: Don't just stand there. Do something! * Mr. Wonka unenthusiastically: Help. Police. Murder. * Grandpa Joe: Quick, Rudy, here! (hands Rudy a big lollipop) * Rudy: Hurry, Ed! Grab onto this! * (Ed tries, but fails and disappears under the river) * Marge (voice only): Oh no. What's happening to the poor dear? * Mr. Salt (voice only): It looks like he's drowning. * Mrs. Gloop: Dive in! Save him! * Mr. Wonka: Oh it's too late. * Mrs. Gloop: Too late?! * Mr. Wonka: Oh, he's had it now; the suction's got him. * Mr. Salt (voice only): What suction? * Mrs. Gloop: only Ed, come back! on-screen Where is he?! * Mr. Wonka: Watch the pipe. * (Scene goes back to the river) * Lisa (voice only): How long will he be under there, Dad? * (Scene shows Rudy whispering to Grandpa Joe) * Mrs. Gloop (voice over in unison): He can't swim! * Mr. Wonka (voice only): There's no better time to learn. * Bart (voice only): Well, there goes his jacket up the pipe! * Professor (voice only): You know, I could extract him from the pipe. I am a scientist after all. * Mr. Salt: only He's stuck in the pipe there isn't he, Wonka? visual It's his stomach that's done that. * Ed (from in the pipe; dizzy): It's a long ball, coach! * Buttercup (in unison; voice only): His big butt's in the way of the chocolate! * Grandpa Joe: Well, what happens now? * Mr. Wonka: Oh, the pressure'll get him out. Terrific pressure is building up behind the blockage. * (Commotion) * Mr. Salt (voice only): I wonder how long it's gonna take him to push through? * Mr. Wonka: The suspense is terrible. I hope it'll last. * Mr. Salt (in unison): He, he's gonna go up this time. He--He-- Go on, boy, go on! * Mrs. Gloop: This is-is terrible. * Rudy: Aw, what if he never gets out? * Grandpa Joe: Yes, he will, Rudy. Remember you once asked me how a bullet comes out of a gun? * (Ed finally shoots up the pipe while cheering, "YA-HOOOOOO!!!") * Mrs. Gloop (in unison): He's gone! He'll be made into marshmallows in five seconds! * Mr. Wonka: That's impossible, my dear lady, that's absurd! * Mrs. Gloop: Why?! * Mr. Wonka: Because that pipe doesn't go to the marshmallow room, it goes to the fudge room! * Mr. Gloop: You terrible man. * Mr. Wonka: (plays a short tune on a small whistle; an Oompa-Loompa comes over.) * Mr. Salt: Who said that? * Grandpa Joe: He's got a whistle. * Mr. Wonka: Take Mrs. Gloop straight to the fudge room, but LOOK SHARP. Or her little boy's liable to get poured into the boiler. * Mrs. Gloop: You've boiled him up, I know it! * Mr. Wonka: Nihil desperandum to despair, dear lady. Across the desert lies the promised land. Goodbye, Mrs. Gloop. Adieu! Auf wiedersehen! Gesundheit. Farewell. * (Oompa Loompas sing "Ed's Oompa Loompa song") * (After song) * Professor Utonium: My...what kind of factory do you really run here, Mr. Wonka? Quote 17 *Rudy: Whoa! That's some boat, isn't it, Grandpa? *Grandpa Joe: Oooo...! Looks good enough to eat. *Mr. Salt: That's uh...quite a nice little canoe you've got there, Wonka. *Mr. Wonka: All I ask is a tall ship and a star to sail her by. All aboard, everybody. *Mr. Salt: Uh, ladies first and that means Lisa. *Grandpa Joe: If she's a lady, I'm a vermicious knid. *Mr. Salt: You sure this thing'll float, eh, Wonka? *Mr. Wonka: With your buoyancy, rest assured. *Marge: It's a beautiful boat, Mr. Wonka. But can it sail the seven seas? *Mr. Wonka: Nothing to worry about, my dear lady. I take good care of my guests. *Professor Utonium: Oh, like how you took care of the Ed kid back there? *Mr. Wonka: Everybody aboard? You're going to love this. Just love it. *(Oompa-Loompa rings the bell and the other Oompa-Loompas roll the mill to make the boat depart) *Lisa: Dad, I want a boat just like this. A splendid paddle boat is what I want! *Grandpa Joe (to Rudy): What she wants is a good kick in the pants. *Marge: *moan* I'm feeling woozy... *Mr. Wonka: Try one of these. *Marge: What are they? *Mr. Wonka: Rainbow drops. Suck 'em and you can spit in seven different colors. *Buttercup: Spitting. What a sick *boat sound censors as a reference to the PPG episode, Curses* habit! *Mr. Wonka: I know a worse one. *Professor: What business are you established in, Salt? *Mr. Salt: Nuts. *scene shows us entering the psychedelic tunnel* *Mr. Salt: Hang on, where we going?! *Professor Utonium: I don't know, but I believe there's melee inside that tunnel ahead! Wonka halt the boat! I need off! *Mr. Wonka (as the boat entered the tunnel): Round the world and home again! That's the sailor's way! *the boat was going faster in the dark *Lisa (voice only): This ride now petrifies me, Dad! *Mr. Wonka (voice only): Faster! *chatters in a worried matter, while Wonka speeds up the boat in the dark *Marge (voice only): We're going so fast! *Bart (voice only): The boat's gonna sink if we crash! Cool! *Marge BART?! *Mr. Wonka: FASTER! *Mr. Salt (voice only / to Lisa): Hang on darling! Just close your eyes and hang on tight! *Buttercup: What is this?! A deathtrap?! *Professor: This isn't hilarious, Wonka! *Mr. Salt: You can't possibly see where you're going, Wonka! *Mr. Wonka: You're right. I can't. *Bart (voice only): WHOA-HOA-HOA! This is so cool! This should've been on "Itchy & Scratchy" a long time ago! *Mr. Salt (voice only): Wonka.... *Rudy: This is kinda strange, Grandpa. *Grandpa Joe: Yes, strange, Rudy. But it's fun! *laughs* *Rudy (voice only): This is AWESOME! *just then, a scary animation plays* *Mr. Salt: How much to get off the boat, Wonka?! *then an animation of a snake crawling on a man's face plays* *Marge (voice only): *moans* (on screen) I'm not feeling okay.... *Mr. Salt (voice only): I can take a joke, (in unison to an animation of an eyeball staring) but it's gone too far! *Professor Utonium: Get that little pilot to divert us, Wonka! *then an animation of a hen destroying an egg plays* *Marge: *screams in horror* LET ME OFF!!!! LET ME OFF!!!!! LET ME OFF!!!! *then an animation of Sam Melvick plays* *Rudy: *gasps in horror* Grandpa! *Grandpa Joe: It couldn't be. *screams at the scene of a chameleon eating its prey *(Various screams) *Mr. Wonka (singing): There's no earthly way of knowing... *Mr. Salt: Heh, heh...he's singing. *Mr. Wonka (singing): Which direction we are going. There's no knowing where we're rowing... *Mr. Salt (voice only/echoing): Rowing... *Mr. Wonka (singing): Or which way the river's flowing. Is it raining? Is it snowing? Is a hurricane a-blowing? Bleh! *Marge: *soft gasp* *Mr. Wonka: Not a speck of light is showing So the danger must be growing Are the fires of Hell a-glowing? Is the grisly reaper mowing? Yes! The danger must be growing for the rowers keep on rowing. AND THEY'RE CERTAINLY NOT SHOWING...ANY SIGNS THAT THEY ARE SLOWING!! *(Wonka screams. Chaos.) *(Tunnel shows closeup of Wormy buzzing from the Spongebob Squarepants episode, Wormy) *Lisa: Dad! Make him stop! Make him stop! *Mr. Salt: Wonka! off-screen This has gone far enough! *Mr. Wonka: Quite right, sir. Stop the boat! *(Scene cuts to black and the next scene shows the boat having arrived at the Hallway outside the Inventing Room) *Mr. Wonka: We're there. *Marge: We're where? *Mr. Wonka: A small step for Mankind, but a giant step for us. ALL ASHORE! *Professor: I'm getting off this contraption at once! *Bart: Man, how come Itchy and Scratchy never got away with stuff like that? *Marge: I don't know, sweetie. *Mr. Salt: What a nightmare. *Lisa: Dad, I never want to get a boat like this EVER! Quote 18 * (Rudy and Grandpa Joe reading a sign) * Rudy: Dairy cream... * Grandpa Joe: Whipped cream... * Rudy: Coffee cream... * Grandpa Joe: Dairy cream... * Rudy and Grandpa Joe: Hair cream?! * Mr. Wonka: Meine Herrschaften, schenken Sie mir ihreaufmerksamkeit. friends (masters), please give me your attention. * Marge: That doesn't sound French. * Mr. Wonka: Sie kommen jetzt in den interessantesten und gleichzeitig geheimsten raum meiner fabrik. have now come to the most interesting and, at the same time, the mostsecret room of my factory. * Mr. Salt: I can't take much more of this. * Mr. Wonka: Meine Damen und Herren, der Inventing Room. and Gentlemen, The Inventing Room. Now remember, no messing about. No touching, no tasting, no telling. * Grandpa Joe: No telling what? * Mr. Wonka: You see, all of my most secret inventions are cooking and simmering in here. Old Slugworth would give his falseteeth to get inside for just five minutes, so don't touch a thing! * (They enter the Inventing Room) * (Various contraptions bubble, churn, and whistle.) * Grandpa Joe: Inventing room? It looks more like a Turkish bath to me. * Rudy: Even if Mr. Melvick could make his way in here, there's no way he'd find anything. * Professor: It's like a college science fair. * Marge: Do you have someone for your cleaning up? * Mr. Salt: Shouldn't you be wearing rubber gloves? You'll have the health inspectors after you, you know that, don't you? * Mr. Wonka: Invention my dear friends is 93% perspiration, 6% electricity, 4% evaporation, and 2% butterscotch ripple. * Marge (voice only): 105%?! What in the world were you thinking?! * Mr. Salt (voice only): Any good? * Mr. Wonka (high voice): Yes. (normal voice): Excuse me. Time is a precious thing. Never waste it. *tosses alarm clock in the bowl, and alarm rings inside* * Lisa: That man is absolutely delusional! * Rudy: Not bad to me. * Bart (after eating a piece of candy): Mmmmm.... *scene cuts to Mr. Wonka on his exercise craze mixer* * Mr. Wonka: *sings while riding his bike-mixer* *then Bart's mouth gives a loud puff of vapor, and he falls over, knocking down pots and pans* * Marge: Bart! * Mr. Wonka: I told you NOT to, silly boy. * Marge: Aw, doorbugs! What did you do to your teeth, Bart?! * Bart: Man that's radically good candy. * Mr. Wonka: That's exploding candy for your enemies. Great idea, isn't it? Not ready yet though, still too weak. Needs more gelignite. *tastes a sample of an invention, then adds sneakers to to the bowl* * Mr. Salt: What's THAT for?! * Mr. Wonka: Gives it a little "kick". * Mr. Salt: Wonka? Butterscotch? Buttergin? Got something going on inside over there? * Mr. Wonka: Candy is dandy, but liquor is quicker. *chuckles, then puts his hand in a cold mixture, and exclaims loudly* * Buttercup: What's up, Mr. Wonka? Too hot for ya? * Mr. Wonka: Too COLD. Far too cold. * Mr. Salt: That's that gourmet cooking for ya. *suddenly a machine catches Professor Utonium looking under and buzzes* * Mr. Wonka: NO! Don't! Please. Forgive me, but no one must look under there. This is the most secret machine in my entire factory. This is the one that will really sizzle Ol' Melvick. * Rudy: What's it do, Mr. Wonka? * Mr. Wonka: Would you like to see? * Rudy: Yes, please. *Mr. Wonka hits the button and the invention begins making everlasting gobstoppers* * Rudy: What's it do? * Mr. Wonka: Can't you see it? It makes everlasting gobstoppers. * Buttercup: Wait a minute, EVERLASTING GOBSTOPPERS? * Mr. Wonka: That's right. For children with very little pocket money. You can suck 'em forever. * Lisa: I desire an everlasting gobstopper! * Buttercup: I do! * Bart: Don't count me out! * Mr. Wonka: Fantastic invention. Revolutionize the industry. You can suck 'em, suck 'em, and suck 'em, and they'll never get any smaller. Ever. At least I don't THINK they do. A few more tests. * Bart: Cough it up on how you make 'em, Wonka. * Mr. Wonka: I'm a trifle-deaf in this ear, speak a little LOUDER next time. Who wants an everlasting gobstopper? * Kids: Me! I Do! * Mr. Wonka: I can only give them to you if you solemnly swear to keep them for yourselves, and never show them to another living soul as long as you all shall live. *scene cuts to Lisa rudely crossing her fingers behind her back* (voice only) Agreed? *scene cuts back to the kids and Mr. Wonka* * Kids: Agreed. * Mr. Wonka: Good. (in unison, gives out everlasting gobstoppers to the kids) One for you, one for you, and one for you. * Grandpa Joe: What about Rudy? * Mr. Wonka: And one for Rudy. * Lisa (rudely): Hey, why does SHE have a duplicate?! Gimme a duplicate of a gobstopper! * Buttercup: Will you SHUT UP, you brat!? * Mr. Wonka: Everybody has had ONE, and ONE is enough for EVERYBODY. Now come along. *guides the gang to a special invention* Now over here, I have something SPECIAL to show you. Quote 19 *Mr. Salt: Well, it's special all right. I only hope my Lisa doesn't want one. (laughs) *Bart: Man, that's some machine. *Mr. Wonka: Isn't she scrumptious? She's my revolutionary, non-pollutionary mechanical wonder. Now: button, button, who's got the button? *Rudy: This one. Right here. *Mr. Wonka: Here? *Rudy: Uh-huh. *Mr. Wonka: (pushes the button; the contraption begins to work) What you are witnessing, dear friends, is the most enormous miracle of the machine age: the creation of a confectionery giant! (piece of gum drops from the machine and Wonka pulls it out) Finito! *Lisa: That's all?! *Mr. Wonka: That's all?! Don't you know what this is? *Buttercup: Yeah, it's a piece of gum! *Mr. Wonka: Wrong! It's a stick of the most amazing, fabulous and sensational gum in the whole world. *Buttercup: What's so great about it anyway? *Mr. Wonka: This little piece of gum is a full three-course dinner. *Mr. Salt: Bull! *Mr. Wonka: No, roast beef, but I haven't got it quite right yet. *Buttercup: Doesn't bother me! (in unison, snatches the gum from Mr. Wonka) *Mr. Wonka: Oh-! I wouldn't do that. I really wouldn't. *Buttercup: Ah, gum is gum. As long as that's what it is, I ain't scared of whatever! *Professor Utonium: Now, Buttercup, you must be cautious of what you're doing. *Buttercup: *scoffs and rolls her eyes* *Rudy: How does it taste? *Buttercup: Mmmm! This gum rocks! Tomato soup is literally rushing down my throat! It's all creamy and hot! *Mr. Wonka (blankly): Stop. Don't. *Rudy: How come she won't listen to Mr. Wonka? *Grandpa Joe: Because, Rudy, she's a nitwit. *Buttercup: Man, that soup was good. Hey, I can taste the second course coming up! It's roast beef and a hot baked potato! Yum! *Utonium: Any sour cream? *laughs* And what's for dessert, dear? *Buttercup: Dessert? It's coming right now! Blueberry pie and cream! Oh, man, it's good! (in unison, her face begins changing to a violet shade) *Rudy (voice only): Hey, something's happening to her face! *Utonium: Buttercup! Your face! It's changing color! *Buttercup: Can it, Professor! I ain't finished yet! *Utonium: But your face is turning blue! Buttercup, you're turning violet! *Buttercup: Ah, you probably need contacts. *Mr. Wonka: I told you I hadn't got it quite right. *Professor Utonium: You're darn right! Look what's happening to her! *Mr. Wonka: Always goes wrong when we come to the desserts. Always. *Professor Utonium: Buttercup! What on earth are you doing now?! *Buttercup: *shouts* I feel all weird! (In unison, the black line on her dress snaps off) What's happening to me?! *Professor Utonium: You're inflating like a balloon! *Grandpa Joe: I'm not surprised. *Mr. Wonka (voice only): Like a blueberry. *Utonium: Somebody do something! Even a great scientist like myself can't fix this! *Marge: Maybe prick her with a pin? *Rudy: But she'd pop! *Mr. Wonka: only It happens every time. on-screen They all become blueberries. *Utonium: You've gone too far this time, Wonka! You'll be hearing from lawyer about this! *Mr. Wonka: Oh, well I'll get it right in the end. *Buttercup: Help! Would it kill somebody to help me?! *Mr. Wonka: (blows his flute for an Oompa-Loompa) *Utonium: Quick! We need to deflate the air from her FAST! *Mr. Wonka: There's no air in there. *Utonium: What? *Mr. Wonka: That's juice. *Utonium: Juice?! *Mr. Wonka (to the Oompa-Loompa): Would you roll the young lady down to the juicing room at once please? *Utonium: Jucing room? For what? *Mr. Wonka: For squeezing. She has to be squeezed immediately before she explodes. *Utonium: Explodes?! *Mr. Wonka: It's a fairly simple operation. *(The Oompa-Loompas sing "Buttercup's Oompa Loompa song") *(After song) *Utonium: I'll have the last word on this, Wonka, if it's the last thing I ever do! (sadly) I have a blueberry for a daughter now...! *Mr. Wonka: Where is fancy bread? In the heart or in the head? Shall we roll on? the group outside of the inventing room *(Oompa-Loompa hands him his cane) *Mr. Wonka: Thank you. the group Well, well, well. Two naughty, nasty little children gone. Three good sweet, little children left. Quote 20 *Mr. Wonka: Wait a minute. Must show you this. Lickable wallpaper for nursery homes. Lick an orange, it tastes like an orange. Lick a pineapple, it tastes like a pineapple. Go ahead, try it! *Bart: Eww! I'm tasting a plum is what I got. *Rudy: Mmmm! Grandpa, you have to try this banana! It tastes like it ISN'T wallpaper! *Mr. Wonka: Try some more! The strawberries taste like strawberries! The snozzberries taste like snozzberries. *Lisa: Snozzberries? There's no such thing as a snozzberry. *(Mr. Wonka holds Lisa's cheeks) *Mr. Wonka: We are the music makers. And we...are the dreamers of the dreams. (directs the group) Come along. Come along. *(Next room) *Mr. Wonka: Something very unusual in here. Bubbles, bubbles everywhere, but not a drop to drink...yet. *Rudy: What's it making, Mr. Wonka? *Mr. Wonka: Fizzy lifting drinks. They fill you with gas and the gas is so terrifically lifting that it lifts you right off the ground like a balloon. *Lisa (voice only): *soft gasp* Wow, it's so high! Amazing! *Mr. Wonka: But I daren't sell it yet. It's still too powerful. *Bart: C'mon, Wonka, don't hog the good stuff, man! *Lisa (in unison): Please, Mr. Wonka! Can we try a little bit?! *Mr. Wonka: No, no, no. Absolutely not. There'd be children floating all over the place. Come along now; Don't hang about. You're going to be wild about this next room. *(All but Rudy and Grandpa Joe exit) *Grandpa Joe: Let's take a quick drink, Rudy. Nobody's watching. *Rudy: Ok! *Grandpa Joe: A small one won't hurt us. *Rudy opens the bottle with a pop* Whoops! *takes the lid of the bottle and drinks from it* Mmm.... not bad. *(Rudy drinks some) *Grandpa Joe: Well? *Rudy: Well, we're both still on the ground so...nothing! *Grandpa Joe: You're right, Rudy. I can't understand WHYYYY....! (in unison, he and Rudy began floating in midair) I feel terribly strange! *Rudy: What's up now, Grandpa?! *Grandpa Joe: I don't know Rudy but-- *as he tries to let go, but pulls back* AAH! OH! OH! We're in big trouble! Mr. Wonka isn't gonna like this! *Rudy: We can't be like this forever! *Grandpa Joe: You're right, Rudy! But--! *Rudy: We're gonna try to get down. *Grandpa Joe: Alright Rudy, but PLEASE be very careful! *Rudy: *as he began to soar in the air* Hey, Grandpa! It works! Come in! The air feels great up here! *Grandpa Joe: Well, I don't know Rudy--. *in unison Rudy pulled him into the air* I don't think I ought to--. Oh! Oh! This is great! *Rudy (as he soared higher in the air): Follow me, Grandpa! WHOO!!!! *Grandpa Joe: Okay, Rudy! *as he followed Rudy up in the air* WHEEEEE!!!! *Rudy: WHOOOO!!!! *Grandpa Joe: I'm a shooting star! *Rudy: I'm a spaceship! Grandpa this is so SO cool! *Grandpa Joe: Look! I'm a bird! I feel as light as a feather.Look, Rudy! We're really high now. *Rudy: Hey Grandpa, check this out! *does an aerial move* You try, Grandpa! *Grandpa Joe: I don't know I--. *Rudy: C'mon Grandpa! *Grandpa Joe: Alright. *does Rudy's aerial move* *Rudy: Awesome! You've done it Grandpa! *Grandpa Joe: *groans* I think I hit an air pocket. *Rudy: You can soar to the moon! *Grandpa Joe: Let's just fly south for the WInter. *Rudy: Why not? I'm a bird! *Grandpa Joe: I'm a plane! *Rudy: I'm--! *dicovers they're getting too close to the big fan* GOING WAY TOO HIGH!!!! Grandpa! I can't go down! HELP! Grandpa, the fan!!!! *Grandpa Joe (in horror): Stay away from it, Rudy! It'll chop us to bits! We're in trouble, Rudy! I can't stop! *Rudy: That thing is sucking us up! *Grandpa Joe: I can't stop! I can't stop! *Rudy: What do we do now, Grandpa?! *Grandpa Joe: Grab hold of something quick! *Rudy: There ISN'T anything we can grab! Help! This is the end for us! *Grandpa Joe: Help! Help! *Rudy (voice only): Help! *Grandpa Joe (in unison): Mr. Wonka! Please turn off the fan! Oh! Oh! *suddenly burps* *exhales* Oh! I'm going down! Quick, Rudy! Burp! Burp! If you don't get down, you'll be chopped into ribbons! *Rudy (in unison): Help! I can't burp, Grandpa! Help! *Grandpa Joe: You gotta burp, Rudy, it's the only way! *Rudy: *burps* *Grandpa Joe (voice only): Atta boy! Burp again. *(Rudy does so) *Grandpa Joe (voice only): Atta boy, c'mon! *(Rudy burps again) *Grandpa Joe: That was wonderful, Rudy! *(The two continue to burp until they were nearing the floor) *Grandpa Joe: (voice only): Grab onto me, Rudy. on-screen It's gonna be alright now. *(The two burp again and again until they were once again back on the floor) *Grandpa Joe; Good boy. From now on, we keep our feet on the ground. *Rudy: *burp tone* Right. *Grandpa Joe: C'mon, let's catch up to the others. *Rudy: *burps* *(They both exit the room) Quote 21 *Mr. Wonka: I know what you're thinking. They can't be doing what they're doing. But they are. They have to. I haven't met the Oompa-Loompa yet who can do it. These are the geese that lay the golden eggs. As you can see, they're larger than ordinary geese. As a matter of fact, they're quadruple-sized geese which can produce octuple-sized eggs. They're laying overtime now for Easter. *Bart: Wait, I thought Easter was months ago! *Mr. Wonka: (covers Bart's mouth) Shh! They don't know that. I'm trying to get ahead for next year. *(Scene shows the Oompa-Loompas at work with golden eggs) *Mr. Salt (voice only): What happens if they drop one of those eggs, Wonka? *Mr. Wonka (voice only): An omlette fit for a king, sir. *Lisa (voice only): Are they chocolate eggs? *Mr. Wonka: GOLDEN chocolate eggs. That's a great delicacy. But I wouldn't get too close. The geese are very temperamental. That's why we have the egg-dicactor. *Marge (voice only): Egg-di what? *Mr. Wonka (voice only): The egg-dicactor. The egg-dicactor can tell the difference between a good egg and a bad egg. sound If it's a good egg, it's shined up and shipped out all over the world. (on screen) But if it's a bad egg...down the chute. honk sound *Grandpa Joe: It's an educated egg-dicactor. *Mr. Salt: It's a lot of nonsense. *Mr. Wonka (singing tone): A little nonsense is now and then relished by the wisest man. *Lisa: Dad, I want a golden goose! *Rudy: *sigh* Deja vu. *Mr. Salt: Alright, sweetheart, alright. Daddy will get you a golden goose as soon as we get home. *Lisa: No I want one of THOSE geese! *Mr. Salt: Wonka, how much do you want for the golden goose. *Mr. Wonka (voice only): They're not for sale. *Mr. Salt: Name your price. *Mr. Wonka (voice only): She can't have one. *Lisa: Who says I'm not allowed to have a golden goose?! *Mr. Salt: The man with the funny hat. *Lisa: I want one! Gooses. Geeses. I want my geese to lay me gold eggs for Easter. *Mr. Salt: It will, sweetheart. *Lisa: More than 100 a hundred a day! *Mr. Salt: Anything you say. *Lisa: And by the way... *Mr. Salt: What? *Lisa: I want a feast! *Mr. Salt: You ate before you came to the factory. *Lisa: I want a vegan feast! *Mr. Salt: What are those? *(Lisa then proceeds to singing, "I Want it Now!" And made a mess of the area along the way) *(She then stood on the egg-dicactor and finished her song as she dropped downwards screaming on the last lyric) *(In unison, the honk-honk sound was heard) *Mr. Wonka: She was a bad egg. *Mr. Salt: Where's she going? *Mr. Wonka: Where all the other bad eggs go...down the garbage chute. *Mr. Salt: The garbage chute-?! *nervous chuckle* Where does it lead to? *Mr. Wonka: To the furnace. *Mr. Salt: The furnace! *nervous chuckle* She'll be sizzled like a sausage. *Mr. Wonka: Oh, not necessarily. She could be stuck just inside the tube. *Mr. Salt: Inside the-(runs toward the egg-dicactor) LISA! SWEETHEART! DADDY'S COMING! (drops down the egg-dicator) *(honk-honk sound is heard again) *Mr. Wonka: There's gonna be a lot of garbage today. *Grandpa Joe: Well, Mr. Salt finally got what he wanted. *Rudy: What was it? *Grandpa Joe: Lisa went first. *Rudy: Mr. Wonka, they won't really burn in the furnace, will they?! *Mr. Wonka: Hmmm...well, I THINK that furnace is only lit every other day so they have a good sporting chance, haven't they? *(The Oompa-Loompas sing "Lisa's Oompa Loompa song") *(After song) *Mr. Wonka: I don't understand it. The children are disappearing like rabbits. Well, we still have each other. Shall we press on? Quote 22 *Mr. Wonka (voice only): Behold the Wonka-mobile! (on-screen) Thing of beauty is a joy forever. Places, please! The dance is about to begin! Better grab a seat, they're going fast. *Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka...what's that they're filling it up with? *Mr. Wonka: Oh, ginger ale, ginger pop, ginger beer, beer bubbles, bubbleade, bubble cola, double cola, double bubble burpa-cola and all the crazy carbonated stuff that tickles your nose. Few people realize the power that's in those things. *Grandpa Joe (to Rudy): Sorry I asked. *Bart: You think maybe that Melvick guy will pay extra loot for the deets on this thing? *Marge: Just keep you eyes peeled and your lips sealed. *Mr. Wonka: Everybody set? *Rudy: Is it gonna go fast, Grandpa? *Grandpa: It should, Rudy, it's got more gas in it than a politician. *Willy Wonka: Now hold on tight. I'm gonna really open her up this time and see what she can do. *(The Wonkamobile starts moving) *(Suddenly, suds began leaking from the mobile) *Mr. Wonka: Swifter than eagles! Stronger than lions! *(Then, suds began to get everywhere. The tuba part squirts suds onto Bart and Marge who scream) *Mr Wonka (voice only): Must be a leak in the distilling tubes. *(Then suds pour onto Rudy) *Rudy: Ah! Grandpa! *Grandpa Joe (voice only): I'm getting it too! *Mr. Wonka: (sings throughout the process) *Bart: Augh! Right in the eye! *Marge: Oh no! In my shoes! My shoes! Soaked! It'll never wash out! *Bart (voice only): It's stuck on my gun! *(Bart and Marge hold their hands out to the tube part in an attempt to prevent more, but it sprays more suds onto them) *(Mr. Wonka continues to sing despite suds getting on him too) *(Rudy and Grandpa Joe playfully toss suds at each other while Bart and Marge continued to scream) *Marge: My dress! My necklace! My hive! My trademark hive! You'll pay for my cleaning bill, Mr. Wonka! I know where you live! This factory! *(In unison, they go through the Hsawaknow; The Wonkamobile and everyone come out spotless) *Marge: I'm dry-cleaned?! But how?! *Rudy: Whoa! Grandpa, what was that we were just through? *Mr. Wonka: Hsawaknow. *Marge: What language is that? Japanese? *Mr. Wonka: No, that's Wonkawash spelled backwards. That's it, ladies and gentlemen. The journey is over. *Grandpa Joe (voice only): Finest bath I've had in twenty years. *Rudy: Can we go again, Mr. Wonka? *Marge: That's all? A mere several feet? *Bart: C'mon, Wonka. We could have easily walked, you know. *Mr. Wonka: If the Good Lord intended us to walk, he wouldn't have invented roller skates. Now would you all put these on? *(Everyone takes a white suit and goggles) *Mr. Wonka: We have to be very careful. There's dangerous stuff inside. Quote 23 *(Scene shows the TV room) *Mr. Wonka (voice only): Wonkavision! My very latest and greatest invention! *Bart (voice only): Whoa! Television! *Mr. Wonka (voice only): Uh, it's Wonkavision. (on-screen) Now I'm sure you all know how ordinary television works. You photograph- *Bart: Yeah! I know how! They film your favorite programs in a TV studio and after the whole show is complete, they edit it to put all the effects in and they plan the day the show airs! *Mr. Wonka: You should open your mouth a little wider when you speak. So I said to myself, if they can do it with a photograph, why can't I do it with a bar of chocolate? *(The Oompa-Loompas carry a giant WONKA bar toward the machine) *Mr. Wonka: I shall now send this chocolate bar from one end of the room to the other. It has to be big because when you transmit by television...it always ends up smaller. Goggles on, please. (everyone does so) Lights! Camera! Action! *(Big flash and the chocolate disappears) *Mr. Wonka: You can remove your goggles. *(everyone does so) *Rudy: Where'd the chocolate go? *Mr. Wonka: It's flying over our heads in a million pieces. Now watch the screen. (presses various buttons) Here it comes. (presses more and the bar appears) There it is. (to Bart) Take it. *Bart: How can I?! It's just a crummy picture! *Mr. Wonka (to Rudy): All right, you take it. *(Rudy does so) *Rudy: It's a real chocolate bar! *Mr. Wonka: Taste it! It's delicious. It's just gotten smaller that's all. *Rudy: (takes a bite) Mmmm! Just perfect! *Marge: It's unbelievable! *Grandpa Joe: It's a miracle! *Bart: It's a new kind of TV dinner! *Mr. Wonka: It's Wonkavision. *Grandpa Joe: It could change the world. *Bart: Hey, Mr. Wonka. If you wanted, could you send other things through that machine? Not just candy that is.. *Mr. Wonka: Anything you like. *Bart: What about say...people? *Mr. Wonka: People? Hmmm...I don't really know. I suppose I could. Yes, I'm sure I could. I'm pretty sure I could. But it might have some messy results. *Bart: Set your faces to stunned, people! You're about to see the first person in the world to get sent by TV! *Marge: Bart, no! Turn away from that this instant! *Mr. Wonka (blankly): Stop. Don't. Come back. *Bart (putting his goggles on): Lights! Camera! Action! *(Big flash again and Bart disappears) *Marge: Bart! Oh my Lord! Where are you?! *Grandpa Joe: He's up there. In a million pieces! *Marge: Bart! Sweetie! If you're there, give me a sign PLEASE! *Mr. Wonka: No good shouting, dear. Watch the screen. (presses various buttons) *Marge: Bart! What's taking him so long? *Rudy: A million pieces only need so much time to form together. *Marge: But where are they? *Mr. Wonka: There's definitely something coming through. *Marge: PLEASE tell me it's my boy! *Mr. Wonka: It's hard to tell, but- *Marge: (wails at the sight of a shrunken Bart) *Grandpa Joe: Our little group is getting smaller by the minute. *Bart: Woo! I made it! Look, everyone! It's me, Bart! Bart Simpson! The first person in the world to be transported through TV! Man, that was quite a ride. This is the best thing that's ever happened in my life! Am I coming in alright? Hello?! Mom, I said am I coming in alright?! *Mr. Wonka: Great. He's completely unharmed. *Marge: Unharmed?! He's the size of a battery! *Bart: Man, that thing is cool! I wanna go again! *Marge: NO! There'll be nothing left of you! *Bart: Ah, don't worry, Mom. I feel great! I'm famous! I'm a celebrity! Wait'll I tell Homeboy, Mags and the others the story behind this! *Marge (picking up the tiny Bart): You'll tell no one no such thing! *Bart: Hey, what are you doing with me?! I ain't goin' in there! (Marge puts him in her purse) *Bart (muffled; voice only): Let me outta here! It's dark! *Marge: Just shush! (to Mr. Wonka) Is there any way to change him back? *Bart (in unison, voice only; muffled): Mom, c'mon! I wanna be on TV! *Mr. Wonka: Well, fortunately, small boys are extremely springy and elastic... *Bart (in unison, voice only; muffled): Let me outta here or I'm chewin' my way out! *Mr. Wonka:...So I think we'll put him in my special taffy-pulling machine. That should do the trick. *Bart (voice only, in unison; muffled): Mom, I see a nail file and I WILL use it! *Marge: T-t-taffy-!? *Mr. Wonka (to an Oompa-Loompa): To the taffy pulling room please. You'll find the boy in his mother's purse, but be extremely careful. *Bart (in unison, voice only; muffled): Mom, I found your lipstick and I'm gonna scribble all over inside here! *Marge (losing it as the Oompa Loompa whispers to Mr. Wonka): T-t-taffy pull- *Mr. Wonka: No, no, I won't hold you responsible. *(Marge faints into Grandpa Joe's arms) *Mr. Wonka: And now, my dearest lady, it's time to say goodbye. (Marge emits a noise) No, no, don't speak. For some moments in life, there are no words. run along now. (The Oompa Loompas drag her out as Marge moans) Adieu, Adieu. Parting is such sweet sorrow. *(The Oompa Loompas sing "Bart's Oompa Loompa song") *(White flash brings out to the next scene) *Mr. Wonka: So much to do, so much to do, invoices and bills, letters...I must answer that note from the queen. *Rudy: Mr. Wonka, are the other kids gonna be alright? Ed? Lisa...? *Mr. Wonka: My dear boy, I promise you, they'll be quite alright. When they leave here, they'll be completely restored to their normal, terrible old selves. But maybe they'll be a little bit wiser for the wear. Anyway, don't worry about them. *Grandpa Joe: Eh, what do we do now, Mr. Wonka? *Mr. Wonka: Oh, yes, well...I hope you enjoyed yourselves. Excuse me for not showing you out. Straight up the stairs. You'll find the way. I'm terribly busy. Whole day wasted. both their hands Goodbye to you both. Goodbye. (He enters his office) *Rudy: Huh? What's going on? Was it something we did wrong? *Grandpa: I don't know, Rudy. But I'm gonna find out. *(They enter Mr Wonka's office) Quote 24 *Grandpa Joe: Mr. Wonka--? *Mr. Wonka: I am extaordinarily busy, Sir. *Grandpa Joe: I just wanted to ask about the chocolate. The lifetime supply of chocolate for Rudy. When does he get it? *Mr. Wonka: He doesn't. *Grandpa Joe: Why not? *Mr. Wonka: Because he broke the rules. *Grandpa Joe: What rules? We didn't see any rules, did we Rudy? Quote 25 *Mr. Wonka: Rudy! *(Rudy turns back around) *Mr. Wonka: My boy...you won! You did it! You did it! (picks Rudy up, hugs him and swings him around) I knew you would! I just knew you would! Oh, Rudy...forgive me for putting you through this. Please, forgive me. Come in, Mr. Wilkinson! *(Mr. Wilkinson formerly known as Sam Melvick enters) *Mr. Wonka: Rudy, meet Mr. Wilkinson. *Wilkinson: Pleasure's all mine, yeah! *Rudy: Melvick! *Mr. Wonka: No, no, that's not Melvick. He works for me. *Rudy: He does? For you? *Mr. Wonka: I had to test you, Rudy. And you passed the test. You won! *Grandpa Joe: Won what? *Mr. Wonka: The jackpot, my dear sir. (in unison, he puts his hat back on) The grand and glorious jackpot! *Rudy: You mean the chocolate?! *Mr. Wonka (as he was putting his coat on in which Sam assisted with): The chocolate, yes, the chocolate, but that's just the beginning. We have to get on, we have to get on; (in unison, picks up his cane) We have so much time and so little to do! Strike that. Reverse it. This way please. We'll take the Wonkavator. Step in, Rudy, Grandpa Joe, sir. This is the Great Glass Wonkavator. *Grandpa Joe: It's an elevator. *Mr. Wonka: It's a Wonkavator...An elevator can only go up and down, but the Wonkavator can go sideways and slantways and longways and backways... *Rudy: And frontways? *Mr. Wonka (in unison): And squareways and frontways and any other ways that you can think of. You can take it to any room in the whole factory just by pressing one of these buttons. Any of these buttons. Just press any button and ZING! You're off. ...And up until now, I've pressed them all...except one. (directs Rudy and Grandpa Joe's attention to a button centered by a red piece) only This one. Go ahead, Rudy. *Rudy: Me? *(Wonka nods "yes") *(Rudy presses the button and Wonkavator began shaking and making sounds) *Mr. Wonka: There it goes! Trivia * This crossover edition is a special tribute in loving memory of Gene Wilder (1933-2016) Category:Browse